I just came in from sitting in my backyard in my walker basking in the sun. People think I am a bit daft but I love the heat. There is almost a pure clarity in the sun baking me and I refuse to put on a hat because it blocks the heat from getting to me.
My father was a difficult man. He had his challenges and had a difficult time taking orders from anyone. This does not bode well for a Staff Sergeant in the Air Force. There were times his promotions and demotions were frequent. He had no trouble telling people what they could do with poor judgement and stupidity.
He butted heads with a lot of his superiors who worked with confrontation and of course he could not win. But there was one man, a colonel I believe, who understood working with people. He put my father into situations where my father would win. Every time this superior was transferred to some Air Force base in the middle of nowhere he would wait three or four months and then send for my dad. Thus our constant moving.
What is the part of us that believes power is good and confrontation is the answer to everything. I had a friend who used choice in working with her son. She would say to him, "Now you can do this or you can do that - what would you like to do?" In the end, both choices were the results she was aiming for. In this household, she was not using the famous 'I am the parents; I have the power; I'm going to use it and win and you will lose." This only trains the child that power is good and how can I get some. Thus acting out.
I have had the opportunity to watch some master's working in the art of team building. My partner in our construction company taught me that I am always in charge of the meeting. In any group where there is a difference of opinion it is critical to not put the problem for the issue in between the two groups. At that point, it becomes a power struggle. There then must be a winner and loser which is not effective team building.
My partner would meet with the other participants and then say, "Let's take a look at this issue together. How are we going to come up with an answer?"
Suddenly the problem had been removed from between the two groups and put off to the side to be examined by both groups looking to resolve things. It changed everything and worked everytime.
My wife is a great team builder and her teams are fiercely loyal. She gets very enthusiastic about the project she is working on. Before long she has taken on the role of Huck Finn. She has a bucket of whitewash and suddenly everyone wants to whitewash the fence. In addition, she will always give praise and gratitude to her team. I've seen her through the years throw big dinners for all the volunteers working with her.
So the question becomes 'are you a power person seeking to win by having and hoarding power?' Or are you a team builder? It all goes back to the question. Did your team or the people you work with feel better having worked on the event/issue/problem or was there a bad taste in their mouth? You will have it the way you build it!
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