I have an internal war that goes on constantly. It's something that was present in my life as I grew up. When I grew up from a very young age I was left to my own devices to eat meals. My mother was mostly absent (lots of sleeping) and so I learned to forage and put together a meal without burning down the kitchen.
But it also meant I developed my own eating habits and I was very territorial about them. So I was protective of eating what I wanted when I wanted food. Now this also meant that my eating habits and decisions were made by my child. I always had a fear I would starve so lots of weird steps were taken to work with that.
So by the time I was in high school I had my hidden food stashes. I found a particular kind of cookie I loved. I made sure I had at least one box of the cookies hidden under my bed at all times.
I often loved particular types of food which weren't healthy for me. When I was in eighth grade our school was next to the high school. The high school snack bar was right on my way home. Three times a week I ordered a chocolate milk shake along with a large order of fries.
These type of eating habits are part of the reason that my kidneys have failed. Too many cans of Pepsi and too much Motrin destroyed everything.
Now I am healthier than I've been in over twenty years and still I fight bad eating habits. I love to cook what I call a googalachi dish. The one I made this week had ground hamburger, fried potatoes, onions, and corn all cooked together with lots of spices. I made a big batch yesterday morning.
Immediately my body went on the offensive. I had a number of bathroom visits of different types and woke up totally trashed. It;s taken me most of this day sleeping and fasting to start to move in the direction of normal. So it will be a long time before I revisit this kind of a food dish. But I also know sometime in the future I will have the urge to make another dish hoping this is the one that will have a magical taste and satisfy my taste buds.
I reread this today and I'm sorry about sharing stuff like this but I also think it is important to share the things that get in the way of my spirituality. The duality of being so Divine and yet getting so hooked into my body urges.
I believe the trick is balance. It is knowing that when I do some things, it is difficult for my body to be healthy. So maybe we all have secret addictions. Can we add them to our bottom line balance sheet? I love being this healthy and yet it comes with obligation.
What are your secret food urges that impact your body? Have you built a balanced framework that keeps you in health? Good job! If not, realize you are moving in that direction because it is the direction of the Divine.........
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