Hearing

Human beings have an interesting occurrence in their lives. They hear what they want to hear. Let me say that again because even in making the statement you might not be hearing what I am actually saying. People are not hearing the actual words I might be saying but they are hearing what they would like to believe they hear me saying.

I was quite proficient in reading and was reading at a high school level in first grade. I loved to participate in the exercise of reading out loud during reading time.

This caused me to notice a trend. In elementary school, we were asked to read out loud in class to help us get better at reading. It caused me to notice that some people would read a sentence and add words or phrases that weren't on the page. They might skip sentences or phrases. It confused me. Where were these words coming from? Even today when I participate in book clubs and we read out loud, there is always someone who does not read the words as they are written.

This is the trend of hearing what we want to hear and seeing what we want to see instead of hearing what is there and seeing what is present.

I have an old friend who grew up as a very pragmatic child. She did not participate in the drama of life and spoke her mind clearly and without sensors.

One day she hit puberty and went through the start of her monthly cycle. Her mother had not warned her of the changes so she had no information. She went and questioned her mother and was given a feminine napkin and was told what happened.

A month later my friend went storming in to her mother and in essence said, "What the hell is going on? It happened again! I took care of it last month and you told me I was done - it was over and yet here it is again." Her mother had explained it in such a way that she thought it would only happen once in her life. Now she found out it was every month and she was so upset.

In the end even though her mom had explained the first month (though poorly) the girl had heard what she wanted to hear but did not hear clearly.

This is why the most challenging part of life is communication. It is Plato talking about 'chairness.' The cave concept of chair contains basics of legs and a seat and maybe a back. But in the end the concept of chair had millions of interpretatons so we quickly get into trouble about what we are saying and hearing.

There are a number of communication exercises where each participant must reply back to the speaker what he heard reflecting the words used. It can easily be very messy.

So in the end when you are in a conversation be very careful. Don't hesitate to ask questions if something is not clear. It can save hours of confusion. Can you hear me now?