There is a saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. It refers to the difference between what someone intends to do and what someone actually does. I have a different slant on it. It's a slant that occurs over and over again in my life and I wonder if you've run into it.
Let me give you an example. My parents loved to party with their friends as we grew up. They had friends who came to visit us in Montana one summer. All four of them wentout for the afternoon to various alcoholic watering holes in the city. We were teenagers and we weren't sure when they would return. But we figured they would be hungry when they came home. So we put together a plate of appetizers. I don't remember what the prepared food was; I only remember the effort to put it together and how good it felt to do it. We set it out and with pride waited for them to get home. When they arrived home they looked at the plate and said, "We've eaten already - too bad you wasted all that food. Put it away."
Needless to say we were devastated. I find circumstances over and over again during which I perceive I am giving a compliment or being sensitive or being vulnerable and it not only doesn't work out - it fails miserably.
I probably should sit down and look at the archetype I am triggering in the situation and what it has to say about my actions. I do know I can be the most naive person on the planet.
When I first got into doing workshops and relationship classes people gave me feedback. Someone shared with me that there are times when people will insult me or do something really mean to me and I on some level don't even notice it. Part of that is my response to how terribly mean my dad could be and much I had to protect myself. I just don't like to work with meanness.
So even at this age, I haven't decided if kindness is a plus or a minus. In college, I actually had a woman break up with me because she said I was "too damn nice." Sometimes I think it gets in the way but thank goodness that only lasts for just a little bit.............I still think as Jewel says, "kindness matters."
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