There are some things that occur and I just shake my head. I know it is a part of human traits but it sure aggravates me.
I have two which I want to talk about today. The first is called triangulation. It is the favorite tactic of many people. Much of our communication in life may be directed toward another person or situation we need to talk about. But we have this strange habit of having conversations about something by discussing it with someone else entirely.
I had a friend who works with a team of people. She doesn't like some of the decisions being made by one particular person on the team. But rather than talk directly with the person she has issues with she will talk with someone else about it. She will cause this 'third' person then to sometimes direct her communication so that other people are involved - though no one seems to know why anyone else is involved.
This then leads to the second part of this equation. It is about 'gathering witnesses'. This is the tactic about a particular issue that you are involved with; you talk to other people not involved to get them as a witness for your point of view. We want more witnesses to support us.
My social hackles go up when someone is out gathering witnesses. I love to listen; I think we really get to know people when they are sharing their stories.
But once I've heard a story it's time to finish the story and either do something about it or do something different.
The second or third time I hear a story we are moving into an arena that portends the following. The communhicator knows they've already told the story but is looking for more justification;. I heard someone call it an "attempt to litigate a narrative." That just doesn't work.
So do not come to me for the 10th time about a particular situation in your life. I am going to lean toward moving and resolving the problem or realizing that it is an issue which will be a thorn in life and my job is to live with it.
My partner in our construction company and I through the years have adages that we live by. Actually, they are mostly his adages; I just love them and have adopted them for my life.
One of my favorite is when I mess up every time I look at it. Essentially Phil says it's easier to fight the dragons you know than the hidden ones. It just means that it is so important to get everything out in the open in order to deal with anything. I can remember working in the first years of the company.
We had an employee who had difficulty because he had an issue with a contractor and they seemed to be circling around the issue. Phil immediately said, "Let's get this contractor on a conference call with all the parties involved and work out a solution." that is just what we did in about 1/2 hour. It points out a second part of the equation. Dragons can't do any behind the scenes things when you have them out in the open. So in all our years as a company if there is a confusing issue that seems kind of confusing or hidden the company policy is to get it out into the open and resolve it. Thus there are no build-ups of the same issues over and over again.
It also moves us right into another caveat. There is always a solution. Sometimes we just have to back up and come from a different direction. Sometimes we just need to step back for a moment before reworking the issues. This works!
This has changed my life. I has taken me down roads that I didn't even know existed. When I add in saying 'yes' even when my knees are knocking it leads to many magical moments. That's the job. Take the step; make the decision; do the next step; feel your knees knock. You have not come to hide out in the back room and let the world slide by. Step out; try it today!
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