Today I was talking with a friend who was celebrating his 52nd wedding anniversary. He had known his wife since she was 19 and he was 20. We talked about the fact that love is such a wide-ranging topic that we just get into trouble trying to understand it or define it.
It reminded me about another couple who we know. They grew up together in a small country community and started together in kindergarten in the same class. I asked him how he ended up marrying her. He said they were pretty clear in 1st grade that they would spend the rest of their lives together.
The commitment of joining together on the life journey is one of ever deepening love and understanding. It is about compromise and breaking ground in new areas of relationship.
I once did a set of sermons on the different kinds of love ranging from self-love to affectionate (love of friends) to Eros or romantic or passionate love to Agape which is unconditional love. Each love is a part of all lives and it is important to acknowledge all four types and let them flow in our lives.
We forget love is the answer to any question in our life. It forms the basis for continual magical miracles occurring all the time.
When Rachel and I first started to date we of course were in the wondrous haze of the"honeymoon" phase. One day Rachel said it was so wonderful to be in a relationship where we would not hurt each other. Of course, I could not let that be. I let her know that since we are two different people our relationship would be filled with all the emotions - including hurting each other. But I vowed never to hurt her on purpose and to always be willing to communicate and talk things out.
Each time the two of us have a meltdown (and we do have absolutely lovely meltdowns filled with a lot of energy) we realize we are on the cusp of taking the relationship to a deeper level. We don't always know what the next level will be or where it will lead but we know it will be love based because we have made the commitment.
Our society works on a throw away basis. This means that our present car, our present house, and our present relationship are part of the throw away process. When they don't work rather than putting some energy into them we throw them away.
In my first marriage, my wife did some actions that were downright mean. Many years later she came back to town and found that I had a thriving hypnotherapy practice. She came to talk to me and have a session or two (talk about triggers in terms of holding sacred space!). It turned out because of some childhood issues she had a strong dislike of male figures so her job when we were married was to get rid of me.
In our sessions, we talked out the issues for both of us and in the end she confessed she had made a mistake throwing me out. It did not bring me any satisfacton. Instead, we talked about ways she could set sacred space for herself so she could be safe with men. She was still working on this issue when she left town. Some of the news I heard about her ater years gave me feedback that she was much closer to resolving the issue - and the answer again was based on the approach of using love.
I had a superintendent whose wife grew up in a horrible household. Her father and brothers surrounded her with pain and torture. I asked my friend how he worked with that for they had been married for some thirty years. He said from the beginning to the present he had but one attitude in his relationship with her.
He told her she did not have to trust him 100%. But he asked her to trust him a bit more today than yesterday and not quite as much as tomorrow. He reminded her about this every day. Love will always get you through the day. Love generously, wastefully and often. From the moment your eyes open there is but one job for your day - love, love, and love. There is no down side to it!
Comments