Control of one's life is so important to so many people. We grow up in families that make power the tool to vie for. It is the famous 'because I said so' which is the ultimate in power response. This means growing up we are frustrated coming up against someone else having stronger power. Power also means it is win and lose situations with competition making for rough struggle.
Control doesn't mean all that much to me and has caused me to do some really strange things. One of my favorite things to do is when I am out in a group having a cocktail prior to dinner. I will order the bartender's favorite drink. If you stop and think about it this is the ultimate in turning over control to a bartender I've never met before. But it also means in doing so I develop a strong relationship with a stranger. The bartender figures I am being vulnerable. The only time this blew up in my face is when the bartender produced a drink that had a black licorice flavor. The drink was just plain wrong. He loved it so I made sure I had a couple sips of it.
The other time I gave up control is when Rachel and I got married. We had planned every tiny detail of the wedding. I, being a little strange, had two 'best' women instead of a best man. Rachel and I knew we wanted to honeymoon somewhere up the coast of Northern California where we could be somewhat alone. That was the extent of our needs and wants. So we made a deal with the best 'women'. Their job was to set up the honeymoon and we didn't want to know anything about it until we were on our way.
So we attended the wedding (participated in every facet of both the ceremony and the reception) and we were among the last people to leave the reception.
One of the 'best' women walked up and handed Rachel and I an envelope. She told us the envelope contained the directions which would start the honeymoon with more directions to follow.
We opened our envelope and realized we were staying at a very private bed and breakfast in downtown Sacramento. We got to the bed and breakfast and checked in late that Saturday night. When we got up the next morning we had another envelope waiting for us. In it were directions to a highway north leading to the coastal region of Northern California. Some five hours later we pulled into a special Russian resort where we were thoroughly spoiled for five days. It was another classic case of letting go of control to someone else and reaping the rewards.
What if there are times when our only job is to follow - no matter how good we are at leading? It is a refreshing way to do things. It puts us in an uncomfortable situation yet stretches us at the same time. It gives us the opportuinity to learn things from other people. It is also one of the most difficult things we can do if power was a valuable commodity in growing up. Give up the power now and then and learn new ways to do things.
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