Sometimes I have no actual idea what I am doing. Other times the whole life thing becomes so overwhelming I just want to pull the covers over my head and let the world flow by.
It's so interesting about aging. Earlier in my life my day was filled with tasks and details including working on huge contracts and having a day of meetings. Now I have to be careful not to schedule two meetings or tasks in one day because it will impact my energy level so much.
But this is truly a rich treasured part of life. My life is filled spending internal time being curous about my present status. I read my quota of books each week and the wide breadth of the type ob books go into any number of topics, I love to put together my writings as I wonder about the things that can happens to us.
We are at a point where our norm in life is changing constantly. I realize how poorly through the years I have mistreated my my body with exertion and through eating and drinking habits.My kidney failure and the dialysis follow-up is a direct result of drinking too many sodas. Soon I was on the slippery slope but in the end it has brought me such gifts.
For the first time in some twenty years my leg edema has gone away has gone away and my legs look normal. My weight is at the best in my life. I feel better.
Suddenly the feared three days a week of dialysis for four hours each session is not something I fear. I have a new family from the Davita center and the bantering is fast and furous. I find on my dialysis days my range of feeling is spectacular. Some days I can't wait to get hooked up and chill out for four hours. Other times I just don't want to be hooked up. But it is such a clean and consistent touchstone in my week. I'm in my fifth month of dialysis and I'm filled with gratitude.
I think often it is the shock of change that has us being uncomfortable about it. I find that when I've had a massive change I need about twenty-four hours to start to adjust to the new change. But always in the end we make the adjustments. Thank you spirit to provide our spiritual resiliency that gives me the strength to make the adjustment.
It is like a football game. The first half one team changed their defense. This team continues to work with the game. In the end the team that was not effective. I find when there is a big change I need 24 hours to start to adjust to the new change. But in the end during the half-time the team made adjustments and roared back to win. They made adjustments to new things. So my friends keep making the adjustments. They will serve you well!
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